When I’m single, nothing is harder than a Sunday. To me, that’s a boyfriend day. That’s when you sleep in, relax and just hang out and cuddle. It’s hard when you don’t have that but there is no reason to spend that time sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

Just as I was about to curl up in a ball in a dark and isolated dungeon I remembered something…

…being single can be freakin awesome!

50 Reasons why it’s great to be single

1. You’re only responsible for yourself.

2. You get to see your friends more often.

3. You shave your legs only when you feel like it.

4. You make all of your own plans.

5. You no longer ‘get in trouble’.

6. The toilet seat is always down.

7. If anyone is wasting your time playing video games, it’s you.

8. You don’t have to suffer through his sport addictions.

9. You have the whole bed to yourself.

10. That all-consuming lust that you only experience at the beginning of a relationship.

11. The excitement of dressing up for first dates.

12. Watching whatever you want on TV.

13. Having the freedom to spend a Saturday doing whatever you want without having to explain yourself.

14. No mandatory dinners with you boyfriend’s parents.

15. You can date lots of men, so you never get bored with just the one.

16. ‘Going out’ clothes actually have a purpose.

17. No one is going to look at your skirt and ask, ‘Don’t you think that’s a little too short?’

18. If you only want cereal for dinner, you can have it.

19. You can hide your purchases in plain sight.

20. No one steals the blankets when you’re asleep.

21. The feeling of independence.

22. No checking-in.

23. No need to ask for approval or acceptance.

24. If someone finished the milk, then you know it was you.

25. You can accept free drinks from men and not feel guilty about it.

26. The only morning breath you have to deal with is your own.

27. No condescending mothers-in-law.

28. You last name is still the one you had at birth.

29. The bathroom is all yours.

30. No stinky guy smells.

31. Chick clicks on Sunday afternoons.

32. When you have PMS, no one can tell you it’s just an excuse to be bitchy.

33. You can stay in your pajamas all day and no one cares.

34. Friend can stop over any time.

35. You can watch as much crappy TV as you like.

36. No one around to comment on the number of beauty products or shoes you own.

37. You still have an opportunity to hook up with Benji Marshall, Todd Carney or Daniel Craig if they should suddenly knock on your door.

38. You can turn up your cheesy pop music and dance in front of the mirror and no one will walk in and make fun of you.

39. No one steals your shampoo.

40. The food in the fridge is all yours.

41. The alarm clock is set for when you need to wake up, not earlier.

42. No making conversation first thing in the morning.

43. No Zoo Weekly or Ralph magazine lying around.

44. The décor in your place reflects your taste.

45. You can go to events with friends and now worry about your boyfriend fitting in.

46. All holidays are spent with your own family and friends.

47. No guys over for the football.

48. No fighting for closet space.

49. You can change your hair and not have to consult anyone.

50. The possibility of meeting someone special.

~BB~

What can I say but I love… ‘love’.

I love how the moment you’ve fallen in love your entire life becomes cliche.

Suddenly you find yourself putting someone else first in every way possible, can’t imagine life without them and count the seconds until you will see them again. And good luck if you can keep them from entering your thoughts during the most inappropriate times.

I can recall a time when I’d be sitting in a morning meeting, staring out the window and completely oblivious to what was going on. All fine, until your editor expects you to speak I can assure you!

Sometimes we can be completely unaware we are falling for someone until it is too late and the deed has been done. Our heart is now in the possession of another and in them we trust. We hope and pray that they will take care of it and do their absolute best to prevent it from being broken.

Sometimes love takes time. Our fragile emotions can have taken quite a beating and we need time on our side to nuture ourselves back to full strength.

Sometimes love comes knocking when we least expect it. It can be untimely and frustrating and completely exhilerating to our senses. Love can cause a rush to the brain and make us bite our lower lip and send tingles to our toes.
 
The best thing about love is you don’t need to be doing anything in particular at all to be completely happy, so long as you are in each other’s company, knowing there is no other place you would rather be.

Camping out on the couch in front of the television is an all time favourite of mine. Time spent arguing over whose turn it is to choose the film we would watch was always time wasted as ten minutes into the credits I was guaranteed to be nestled into the nook, back facing the set, drifting off to asleep.

I love what the above picture symbolises and the memories it triggers. Falling asleep in the arms of someone you care about more than life itself, and waking up beside them is the best feeling ever.

Saying ‘I love you’ used to be the hardest thing in the world to say. It’s amazing how you can feel something so strongly but be so afraid to hear the words out loud. A person can spend days, months and even years waiting for the one they love to make the first brave move and say the three words they are longing to hear, so they may say ‘I love you too’.

If there is one thing I’ve learned it is that perhaps there was a reason those words never came. It was not meant to be. There was to be someone more compatible and wonderful and unafraid to speak from the heart. And for that I am truly grateful.

When it’s natural and beautiful you’ll know. 

A life without love is not a life worth living. All the money in the world could not buy a moment of happiness that compares to the state of being in love.

Love is a many splendid thing and something everyone deserves to experience, if not today then tomorrow. ♥

~BB~

2011 is all but over. But did the year that was live up to our wild expectations of it?

As I sit here on my bed in a state of exhaustion infused bliss I can’t help but feel the warm oozing sensation of contentment. It feels something similar to the centre of a honey Anticol lozenge; a sense of being strong and solid on the outside with a pleasantly gooey middle.

The glass of Baileys on the rocks on my nightstand has little influence over my present state where one single word won’t leave my thoughts. That word that has somewhat been on the tip of my tongue for so long has finally revealed itself and I take comfort in knowing it has been a long time coming.

The word I’m referring to is quite simply and utterly terrifyingly plain. I am ‘happy’.

The girl you see today is not the same girl that hid behind a mask of sorrow and doubt a year ago today. That girl believed the world as she saw it had ended and there were a number of great hardships that she had to overcome. In life you will experience tests and tribulations. When we are born into this world there are no guarantees of smooth sailing. We take each day as it comes and face the obstacles that confront us. Sometimes we feel we are weak and turn our backs on the challenges, and at other times we put on our brave face and front up to them like warriors raging into battle.

It is truly amazing how far a person can come in weeks, months and one whole year. The changes that take place, the sense of self that is able to flourish if nurtured the right way. Amazing things can take place in a person’s life that enables them the power to see clearly and identify the truth amid deceit. We are told to ‘be the change you want to see’ and there is no better advice than this. Work towards your cause by initiating change and taking minute steps.

I am so very grateful to have come to be in the position I am today. I am surrounded by loving friends and family and have had wonderful opportunities and exciting endeavours come my way.

 2011 presented itself to me as a blank canvas at a time where I well and truly had nothing to lose and everything to gain. I found myself taking chances more than ever before. I lived for the challenge and thrived on the chase. I grew more and more determined to achieve the goals I had set for myself as the year progressed.

If I set myself a challenge, no matter how outrageous or spontaneous, I ensured I would see it through to the end. And that I did.

In my travels I found myself signing up for the Miss Wagga Wagga Quest and in the line-up at the Fair Trading Office where I registered my own business in the lead up to becoming a small time entrepreneur.

I delighted in the opportunity to work with other media enthusiasts when I made the cut at Southern Cross Ten’s Media Careers Bootcamp and squealed with glee when I received an email from Cosmopolitan Magazine Australia saying I’d made the finals for the magazine’s dating blogger search.

I met some extraordinary people this year and made new friends through sporting teams and social extravaganzas with prominent people from my community.

I facilitated and hosted community functions to raise money for local charities and helped host a high-tea, wine tour and a topless car wash that made news headlines around the world (not for reasons you may be thinking!).

I found myself juggling up to five part-time and casual jobs at one time with four to this very day.

I met men that made me wish we had never met, and then one that made me glad we did.

Most recently, I sat in the office of my solicitor and exchanged contracts before sitting in the office of the bank and signing away on the dotted line for my very first home.

Yes, twelve months and a little TLC is all it takes for a person to become the vision of happiness and wellbeing they see in their mind.

As I grow older and a little wiser I am beginning to understand life as was explained to us by our parents, and their parents before that.

Not every day will be filled with glitz and glamour. After all, bills do need to be paid and not every person whose path you cross is going to shower you with love and adoration. We do the best with what we have and make the most of what we have been given.

Weekends and days off have never been more precious than they are now. I am truly beginning to understand what it is like to be a part of the grown-up world. And once I have my little piece of real estate heaven and one day a darling little family of my own, it will all be worth every second spent working towards my nirvana.

~BB~           

Some of the greatest mistakes and biggest regrets for young women come at times where loneliness and angst for companionship overshadow their sense of logic. Instead of following our heads, we tend to follow our often bruised hearts that beckon us to hit send or speed dial the guy with the olive skin and cheeky smirk who we know is far worse for us than any sugar-covered candy ever made.

Let’s be frank. On how many occasions have you text messaged that not so special someone at the midnight hour, or have found yourself in the arms of someone you know is ten different shades of no good after pangs of loneliness have warped your sense of reality? I’m going to take it you are still counting?

Of course at the time what seemed like a brilliant idea and the solution to all of life’s little blunders was perhaps not one of your best moments. And why wouldn’t you phone up dear old Lucas who has been there for you not once, but twice in your life already when the world turned its back on you, or call in on your neighbour’s cousin Jake who wouldn’t hesitate to leave the door open at lock-out for a pretty lady on a mission?

Yes, it’s true we are all human but loneliness can and will be a bitch when she sets in with her soul sisters frustration and boredom.

It is common knowledge (or at least it ought to be) that women driven by emotion, disappointment, unfulfilled desires and on occasion desperation do not always have the capacity to make decisions that will benefit them in the long term.

I’ve beared witness to many a young lass on the scrounge for her ideal rebound (usually a guy who is cocky, arrogant and was in the shower when the morals and ethics were being handed out) after having had her heartbroken, convinced that by moving on immediately she will be granted the ability to erase her previous lover from her system. Sorry sister, unfortunately it’s not that simple!

Although rebounding can seem like a good idea at the time (and let’s face it, what doesn’t seem like a good idea after a few chardys?) many women can experience a sense of regret and frustration at their actions and feel as though they are no better off than were. It’s one step forward, two steps back.

I had a friend who developed an in-between relationship pattern, where the mere thought of being alone and single was too much for her to comprehend. She would call up her bad habit on those messed up days that followed each of her relationship breakdowns and would be left in more of mess after doing so.

There is no need to abuse temporary highs and quick fix solutions in life. Why rush a moment when you can truly live in it?

If loneliness becomes too much to bear, reach out to the right people – your friends and family. These are the people who have a genuine concern for your welfare and want to see you make the right decisions in life.

A quote from my most favourite book, Eat Pray Love encompasses my evolved outlook on the human experience that is loneliness:

“Be lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” ~ Eat Pray Love

Ever since these words bounced off their page, I developed a newfound appreciation for the condition of being lonely. I knew I had to readjust my way of thinking. Why had the concept of being lonely played on my mind for so long, slowly eating away at my hopes of reaching a state of contentment?

It was then that I realised that being lonely does not necessarily need to be a negative thing, but could potentially be something to be enjoyed. Like all states of emotion, loneliness is a fleeting one and it’s not likely one that will stick around unless it’s given permission by you!

Like any habit, I knew I would need to outlast 21 days before I could break my cycle of caving at the very first sign of loneliness. The moment a memory triggering smell, or a flashback from the past would enter my mind I would resist the urge to go the way of many women before me and make that first pivotal point of contact with something I knew I shouldn’t. Someone that I knew was bad for me and someone that should be erased from the mind message bank. The act of igniting conversation was asking for trouble.

Like a wise Tanya Doko once said “They’re like chocolate cake, like cigarettes, I know they’re bad for me but I just can’t leave them alone”. Oh yes, she was talking about ‘boys’ by the way.

Sometimes it is better to be single than sorry.

At other times it is okay to simply say no to the offers and advances that are made to you. And then there are those times when it is better to succumb yourself to the moment and just be lonely! Once you are comfortable with your own company and reaching the simple state of being and existing you will become a liberated and strong individual.

Fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.

~BB~

Prologue

The Universe works in mysterious ways. I would like to begin by dedicating this article to the big bad Universe in all its glory, for without its cunning trials and mischievous tribulations I am quite sure I would find myself with not a lot to say. So Universe, consider this your official invitation to throw us much chaos, drama and excitement (both the good and the unfortunate) my way, because without the passion and sustenance you create my writing would be like Britney Spears’ hair – dull and lifeless.

For as long as I can remember there has been one seemingly unanswerable question that has been playing on my mind.

No, it’s not how on earth do they get those tiny little model ships into glass bottles, although now that too is toying with my poor little female mentality.

It’s something much more complex and far less tangible. Ever since I first saw Mel Gibson attempt to uncover What Women Want I couldn’t help but take a leaf from Mel’s book and head in the other direction.

What do men want?

Is it a string of one night stands and sex-fuelled crusades until they hit forty or whenever they run out of steam?

Are they looking for no strings attached fun with just one person where they are free to come and go as they please, knowing they need not buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?

Or do men simply struggle with the same things we women do, where most of us are in search of that special someone who can make us feel good about ourselves, is there when we need them and will keep us warm at night?

A victim of mistake amnesia (the condition whereby someone subconsciously is aware history is repeating, yet wilfully ‘forgets’ the consequences in the hopes they are wrong) I recently found myself on my girlfriend’s porch in the middle of the night, bottom lip quivering and on the verge of tears after my most recent non-relationship headed in the direction of its predecessors. Yup, if your guess was it headed in a vicious downward spiral, congratulations you are correct.

Following the usual “boys are mean and I’m joining a convent” and “I’m destined to become a crazy cat lady and I don’t even like cats” speech (muffled by sobs and much hyperventilating), my friend presented me with a book.

The book was well-worn and had been passed from girlfriend to girlfriend and had made its way around the sisterhood and was no less than an acclaimed New York Times bestseller.

Once I had mopped up the tears enough to see clearly, I read the title and wondered if this very book could hold the answers to the questions that had played on my mind for so long.

Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man promised to uncover what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment. The book had been written by a man for women. I was intrigued at what this whistleblower had to say about his own kind. Would this man be lenient on his fellow brothers, or would he be harsh, blunt and truthful? I had to find out, if not for anything but a laugh and distraction from an otherwise crappy week.

Part one of the book took me on a journey into the mindset of the man. I know, freaky stuff right? I held on tight, braced myself for the worst and hoped that I wouldn’t crave deep-fried chicken and porn after reading.

“There is no truer statement than men are simple” the author began.

I couldn’t help but scoff. Yeah, well if they are so simple why is it so many of us struggle to work them out? Heck, a game of Sudoku is easier to understand than men. Despite my initial hesitation I continued on.

I was interested to find out the three things make up the DNA of ‘manhood’. Apparently there are three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he’s truly fulfilled his destiny as a man; who he is, what he does and how much he makes. Until he’s achieved his goals in those three areas then the man you’re dating or committed to will be too busy to focus on you.

Upon reading these findings I detected an epiphany in the making. It all made perfect, ridiculous sense. Men are selfish and self-centred? Ahh so that’s why!

I took a trip down memory lane and revisited my past relationships. More often than not, the guys I had dated were focussed on only one thing - themselves. Of course at the time I was unable to see this, we women have this unnerving ability to block the cons and thrive on the pros when we’re smitten for someone. In our eyes, everything you do and say is utterly perrrrfect, until the you-know-what hits the fans and our lovely girlfriends point out each and every fault you ever had. What a comforting thought!

There have been instances where in the past I’ve dropped everything for a guy who I barely even knew. Dumb, dumb girl! We live, we learn that’s for certain.

For men, being their own number one is so important, whereas women don’t seem to care as much. I couldn’t agree more. Another hot tip the author points out is that men need loyalty, support and the cookie (aka sex) or it’s see ya later!

Men don’t vent. When they talk it’s with purpose. They simply want to fix the situation that is upsetting the balance. If you’ve ever tried to get a man to talk about anything other than sports or his mates you will know exactly what I’m referring to here. Insert emotion into the mix and you’ve got thrown a real spanner in the works. His brain will have literally clocked off the job and making any point will be, well, pointless.

Communicating, nurturing, listening to problems and trying to understand them without any obligation to fix them is simply not what boys are raised to do. Instead of opening up, they are programmed to profess, provide and protect.

Part two of the book was more to the point and seemed to encompass exactly what I was after; why men do what they do. A major point of the author here is that ‘firstly he wants to sleep with you’. Well, duh!

Again we must highlight: men are simple. If he likes what he sees, he’s coming over there. If he doesn’t want anything from you, he’s not coming over. Period.

A man ALWAYS wants something. Always. According to the author, when it comes to women that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.

He doesn’t care anything about your personality or what you do for a living. If he likes what he sees he just wants to know if he might be able to sleep with you and how much he has to invest to get what he wants. He’s trying to see if your ‘price’ is too high or if it’s affordable. If he can get you into bed without any requirements then you’re free – game on. For some men, they are just looking for a good time and have no interest in investing.

Here’s the truth. If you’re not setting any ground rules you’re essentially telling him you’re open to his rules. You’ve established you don’t care how often he calls, when he comes by, how often you talk and whether he opens your door.

What’s your price?

If you let him know up front, he will let you know up front if it’s too high a price for him to pay. And then you can move on.

It was the little but most obvious things in this book that truly made me think.

If you’re giving benefits to a guy who you’ve only known a few days or weeks you’re making a grave mistake. You don’t know this man. He doesn’t know you. And he most certainly hasn’t proven himself worthy of any kind of benefit! He could walk away at any time and you’ll only have yourself to blame.    

Instead, men need to be put through a probationary period where women are given the chance to find out more about the guy she’s invited into her life, and if he should be so lucky, her bed.

If you lay out the rules he can either do one of two things, rise up to those requirements or just move on. Girls, you are not a plaything or something to be used and discarded. Let that be known and stick to your guns! You will save a fortune on Kleenex down the track I promise you this!

The guy who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirements is the one you want to stick around, not those other bozos who are into playing games and are looking for someone to stroke his erm… ego. Some things are truly worth the wait, and you my dear are one of them!

Next time I feel compelled to cancel plans on account of a man or feel myself rushing way too fast I intend on acting like a lady and thinking like a man.

As the Dilmah man would say, do try it!

~BB~

We all know what happens to athletes who experience a false start in a race. Yep, you guessed it, they are axed. Disqualified. Outta there. Sorry, come again next year folks! All the training, preparation and long hours spent plotting and scheming how they are going to conquer all and win the big race are wasted.

False starts in athletics are very similar to a trend I’ve noticed in the track and field of relationships.

To starry-eyed females, things can seem to be going well – great even. You both get along like a house on fire, can’t seem to get enough of each other and for once you think to yourself I deserve this and finally karma has stopped being a bitch and luck is shining my way.

And then a few short days later you find yourself wishing you had a shot-put so you could do some serious damage to that flipping sports car he loves so much. Ahh hormones and heartbreak, what a combination. Don’t you just love when they the two meet?

Following a recent discussion with a guy I had been seeing (please take note of past tense) it was decided that guys and girls handle their emotions very differently. Shock, horror! You don’t say? According to my male friend, when blokes have a quarrel they take it out on the field using their fists and are back to being best mates soon after. Women, on the other hand, simply turn ‘crazy’.

Nice, huh?

Don’t worry girls, I showed him the meaning of crazy… just kidding! (Or am I?)

We’ve all experienced that sinking feeling in the pit of our stomaches when we come to realise the movies have been telling us fibs and hope does not float and won’t get you much further than a bag of pennies will on the subway.

Even though you have both been upfront and honest about what you’re looking for at this point in your lives, you can’t help but find yourself deluded by a case of wishful thinking where the mystical love fairy will work her magic any day now and the rest will be history. You convince yourself that if you give him enough time he will be smitten with the majestical creature that is you!

Little do you know, that mischievous fairy has taken her holidays early this year and is nowhere to be found. Fairy, I hope you are enjoying sipping cocktails on that beach in the Caribbean because since you left your post some serious shite has gone down girlfriend.

Okay, so you’re clearly wondering how on earth a girl like me (I mean you!) has come to feel so ripped off by the love department. Well, let’s take a moment to backtrack…

Spring is a time for fresh starts. The flowers are blossoming, the birds and the bees are busy at it, and the air is beginning to become delicious with sticky sweet goodness. After months in drought followed by weeks of fraternising with Circ de Losers a spring time miracle has occurred.

Just when you were about to throw in the towel, at the eleventh hour a tall, strapping, male presents himself and you’re off and racing!

Big broad shoulders, even bigger arms and the most amazing smile… It wasn’t his fault you found him gorgeous in every way possible and you most certainly weren’t looking for love or even a fling when you hit the pub that balmy Friday night. But here you are with front row seats to the Infatuation Show. Sucks to be you.

So maybe it’s true your heart did a little flip when he asked for your number, and maybe the butterflies started to bat their wings against your ribcage when he actually followed through and called, but now, four weeks later, you’ve found yourself with your head buried deep into a sopping wet pillow.

The weather may have warmed up lately, but I can think of about a million other ways to cool off than to rest your head on salty tears.

I don’t know about you, but there are days when I want to curse Hollywood for showing me things that never seem to be replicated in real life. You may swear that you have finally found your Romeo but low and behold, the bastard is just another Casanova in a cuter costume. Bah humbug!!

Time after time, I and many other girls have fallen back into old habits after warding off men for life. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve banned myself from even looking at a man in steel cap boots or footy shorts. Footballers and tradies are badddd news in my experience.

Not because they are bad people (hell, they are good with their hands and can fix things! Qualifies for husband material in my book…) but because long-term it never seems to work out.

The majority of these men are in love with their bros, the sport they couldn’t live without, or in the worst case scenario, themselves.

I’m not sure if I believe in reincarnation but if there is such thing I am coming back as a football or a slab of beer! Maybe then I will receive the kind of attention I crave so badly.

It’s true that all relationships (or non-relationships as I’ve discovered) have their ups and downs. False starts shouldn’t be the be all and end all. Actually they are a blessing in disguise as I’ve found.

It is better to make these kinds of discoveries sooner rather than later, as if you wait until six months or a year down the track to find that all you really were was another recreational activity, a part-time companion, or in Cookie Monster terms, a ‘sometimes food’, it will be a hell of a lot harder for you to come to terms with the ‘break-up’.

False starts, although painful and slightly uncomfortable, have the capacity to make us stronger women and individuals who are in tune with our own needs.

If you are not on the same playing field and your morals and needs don’t align you need to get off the court and hit the showers!

Take a few weeks for R&R and your body, mind and soul will reward you for it.

And don’t fret that pretty face of yours too much. Maybe your spring fling didn’t work out the way you would have liked, but summer is only a season away baby and so too could be some summer lovin’!

~BB~

That magical time of year has set upon us where the air is becoming that little bit sticky sweet, the fridge full of tinnies has been chilled to perfection and men and women throughout the nation are eagerly anticipating some serious footy finals action.

Giant logos the size of people movers have been spray painted on the freshly mowed turf, the freezer has been stocked with every kind of meat pie imaginable and tubes of war paint have been stashed away in the hopes they will make their appearance at the big grand final spectacular.

Yes, it is apparent a case of semi finals hysteria has swept the nation as league and aussie rules fanatics brace themselves for the final showdowns of the 2011 footy season.

The top eight qualifying teams in each code have officially been decided to the sheer joy of those who barrack for the successful teams and disappointment to those who missed the cut this year.

I am one of the lucky ones, as my beloved Wests Tigers (in all their mighty glory and led by the face of 2011 NRL himself, Benji “Legend” Marshall) have once again made the semi finals where they will go head to head with St George Illawarra tonight at ANZ Stadium for what is expected to be one of the most compelling clashes of finals footy this year.

Yes, I am a proud Tiger’s supporter from way back. Well somewhere from the time boys suddenly were cured of cooties and when I discovered the game back in high school days. Weekends were regularly spent perving on the broad shoulders, chiselled jaws and bulging biceps of men with immense strength and power. I was (and still am) captivated by the sport where grown men the size of boulders would duck, weave, hump the grass and plough their way through a field of their component in an attempt to ground a ball of leather.

Call me un-Australian, but I’ve never been one to follow the AFL. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to watch it for more than five minutes at a time on a number of occasions, but the face paced nature of the game and image of men frolicking and fritting about in their short shorts made me dizzy and a little nauseous.

I’m a league girl through and through. I see much more sense in following the ball down a neat little track, having a greater sense of where the spectators ought to be focussing their gaze. Aerial ping-pong it isn’t. There is a sense of overcoming challenges in this game where the blokes need to pass back in order to move forth. It’s as if they are saying, look at me I can sneak a cheeky few metres toward the opponents try line in a cruel game of cat and mouse, then head on over towards where I ought to be and score! There is additional sense of overcoming challenges and astonishment created to see that men with thighs the size of tree trunks who are able to move at such high intensity. I shudder to think of what it would be like to come face to face with one on the field.

Footy culture (and in general Australian sporting culture) has the ability to bring people together and unite a nation. Race, religion, gender and status are cast aside and people are able to bond over a shared footy team or experience, whether it is to love or loathe a team. Don’t believe me? Just think back to a time where you were faced with any social circumstance, whether it was at a formal dinner or down at your local pub. It’s not uncommon to hear a group of blokes in suits or stubbies having a good old chinwag over last week’s games scores, or criticise the ref who clearly made the wrong call.

I experimented with this notion recently when I took myself on a solo date to the pub. Pub grub and the game, all dressed up in my favourite black and gold footy attire. Twas poker night and with less than a few vacant seats in the house, I pulled up a chair next to a gentleman who was focussed intensely on the big screen. It wasn’t long before we were making conversation over the plays and trading information about who was going to which team next season. My point here is you can bond with complete strangers and have a great night out by having a shared loved for the game. It did help on this occasion that I happened to have seated myself in the centre of a group of fellow Tigers supporters. Enough said.

I love how people can become so involved in the game that they somehow forget they are in a crowded room full of people and find themselves roaring at the television with clenched fists in the air. Football is indeed a game fuelled by passion, and not just for those on the field but for the dedicated supporters of the game.

There is no better way to spend a Friday evening, Saturday night or Sunday afternoon in the grand stand at your team’s home ground. I’m not sure there is anywhere else on the planet $25 will buy you such a sense of mateship, togetherness and belonging when you are surrounded by thousands of other footy fans, all dressed alike with a fire in their hearts and twinkle in their eyes.

Although footy culture isn’t always beer and skittles (or sometimes it’s actually too much beer and skittles for some, isn’t that right Todd Carney and co?), there is something for everyone in the game. Children look up to their footy heroes, men want to be them and women want to be with them. As a young woman myself, it is not hard to slip into this category. The truth is, the majority of footballers are more than easy on the eye and have built themselves up to the point where they have the bodies of gods (or at least what I imagine a god to look like anyway). Eye candy much?

Now, we know for a fact football players are traditionally anything but squeaky clean, but you will get your ratbags and scoundrels in every industry. It’s just more predominant in sporting culture as the media like to play up the hype and let’s face it, when you have that much money, power and bodies that have the ability to make the girls (and some guys) drool, well you’re going to be lead into temptation every now and then aren’t you? Still, no excuses boys. It’s called respect.

As my dear grandmother told me as a young girl, “you can look but don’t touch”. Wise words Gran.

With the clocking winding down on an otherwise slow Friday afternoon I am left with one thing on my mind. Tis the year of the Tiger and I predict the Dragon Army will be slain tonight.

GO YOU TIGERS!!!

~BB~  

It’s sad but it’s true, frenemies lurk among us.

If you have ever felt your ears burning it could have been that your very own frenemy was on the job, silver tongue hard at work. Fake friends are as tacky and unappealing as the faux Fendis they tote at their hip and the artificial sweetener they douse their skinny lattes with.

To elaborate, frenemies are the pleather or synthetic brand of friend who on the outside appear to be no different from our regular friends; only they have some kind of hidden agenda. They will smile sickly sweetly to our face, only to let rip their true two cents worth the moment we are at arm’s length.

To make things clearer, a frenemy is an enemy disguised as a friend or a friend where you are each other’s direct competitor or rival. She is damaged, easily threatened by others and in hindsight, she does not want to see you do well and succeed. Do these people really exist, you ask?

Sometimes we find ourselves turning our noses up and judging someone else based on what we think we know when in fact the truth can be cold and harsh. That girl who you think has it all and more could be secretly living on the edge and about to break. The friend who has the cashed-up boyfriend with abs to die for could be abusive and treats her like crap. The most beautiful girl in the room could also be the one with the biggest insecurities. The point being here, you never really truly know what is going on in someone else’s life. This can be dangerous when it comes to frenemy scenarios.

I don’t believe in gossip or riding the rumour mill. Rather than judging a book by its cover or buying into vicious rumours, why don’t you try another approach and get to know someone for who they are before you dismiss them completely?  

Despite our desire to be lovable, gentle creatures 100 per cent of the time, women like men are competitive beings. Although we will never admit to this, we thrive and delight in having the whitest smile, shiniest car or highest heels. The world is one giant lipstick jungle where we are the poachers, always hunting for the hottest trend or most fabulous fashion to outdo our predecessors. We are dedicated to keeping up with the Kardashians, or Hiltons (or whichever big-busted bimbo is heiress of choice this week).

It never ceases to amaze me to see a gaggle of ladies at lunch, when it is common knowledge that if they were let loose in a more primitive setting they would rip each other’s hair extensions out and claw at one another with their acrylic nails. To the untrained eye these girls are besties but for those in the know there is nothing bff about wanting to out-do and out-screw the other in every way possible.

Are we simply keeping up appearances by allowing fake friends the privilege to board our friend-ship? Why do we keep these fraudulent females on our contact lists and detailed in our datebooks if we aren’t getting anything but a pain in the stomach at the mere thought of their name?

Well, frenemies have a love/hate relationship, meaning they love to hate each other. I mean, these girls wouldn’t have the slightest clue how to spend their time if they weren’t dedicated to making each other’s life hell by climbing the social ladders and feeding their faux friend to the snakes.

My advice is to stop hating on people who you perceive to be better off than yourself. Be honest within your friendships – you should want to be someone’s friend for the right reasons. Right reasons include but are not limited to: you get along and share the same hobbies and interests, you couldn’t imagine your life without them, you have fun with them and know how to make each other laugh, and/or you think they are plain awesome and a wonderful human being.

Here is the good news. You don’t need to live life like it is one big competition. There are enough opportunities in this big, wide world for us all to have a (whooping great) slice of cherry pie and enough whipped cream to leave us with a satisfied grin. Love, success and happiness are infinite. There is plenty to go around so stop wishing you could have what she does and start wanting what you already have.

We all have the ability to create acts of beauty and instil confidence in those around us. Cup the crap from your life, ditch the frenemies and keep your true friends close Choose to be a good, honest and loyal friend. Like attracts like and you will soon see the right people will gravitate towards your charm and the cheer you bring to the lives of others.

Hold a true friend with both hands.

~BB~

We all know a nice girl. Nice girls are those girls who behave the way others want them to, sacrificing their own needs. They are the girls who will put on a brave front and smile sweetly at times when they would rather curl up and cry. They are girls who will swear they don’t mind if a friend dates their ex when the very thought of it cuts them deeply (um… breech of the sisterhood code much?). They are the girls who lead a double life as a doormat and let others walk all over them without the blink of an eyelid.

Sound familiar? You could be a member of the nice girls club and you didn’t even know it. Nice girls hold themselves back in life by conforming to the stereotypical behaviours they’ve been socialised to believe are necessary for survival. They are women who unwittingly sabotage relationships and fail to get the things they want most out of life.

Have you ever felt invisible or taken advantage of? Have you ever dropped your guard or let someone cross the boundaries because you didn’t feel strong enough to stand up to them? Do you regularly put others needs before your own?

If you found yourself sinking into your seat and nodding ever so slightly, it’s okay! As a former nice girl I understand your pain. Being a nice girl can be safe, snugly and well… nice. But getting your toes stepped on, having people talk down to you and being given the short straw all of the time is not so nice.  

As women we are bombarded with messages that tell us that it is more important to be considered ‘nice’ than to get what we truly want. Let me tell you something. Putting your own needs first and getting what you want will not land you on top of the ‘bitch list’. In fact, once you demonstrate you will not take no for an answer and are 100% committed to your cause people will be impressed with you and take you seriously.

Now, is the time to win the respect you deserve, reap the success you’ve earned and live the life you want!

It’s true. Life is not a dress rehearsal. We are only given one shot to get it right and make the most of our short time in this life so why would we want to spend it as a nice girl?

Time and time again I hear people complain about the little time they are given and whinge and moan how there is so much do be done but not enough time to do it in. It seems the only time we truly stop to recognise the importance of making every moment count is when we lose a loved one, or witness a tragedy somewhere in the world. And even then, how long do we really stop to analyse and appreciate the gift that is life? Weeks, days, hours or even minutes?

We carry on with our own lives and are back on our merry way, cruising through life as if our sole purpose is to pay the bills and put food on the table. Nice girls allow stress and angst get the better of them. Winning women on the other hand, use it to their advantage and take charge of a situation.

Many of us drift through life remaining safely in our comfort zones. Wake up, face the day, recharge only to do it all again. For some people this is a satisfactory way to spend their lives, particularly if they have started a family and are happy to enjoy the simple pleasures of life like watching their children grow and enjoying creature comforts.

Then there are those who choose to add a dash of zest and excitement to their lives by taking the path less travelled. These people are risk takers and won’t settle for anything less than amazing quests, challenges and experiences. The world is their oyster, a giant ball of mystery just waiting to be tackled. Nice girls cower in the corner, winning women jump out of planes and climb mountains.

Living the life you have chosen for yourself is incredible where you are able to truly appreciate each and every day. You are doing what you love after all. But how do we get to a point where we are able to call the shots and take life by the reins? Why, by taking baby steps of course!

Each step you take towards achieving your dreams and your wildest expectations is a step in the right direction. There is no point in sitting back and watching a game of footy from the sidelines if what you really want to be doing is getting amongst the action on the field. The same theory can be applied to any aspect of life. Why be a nice girl who only goes as far to wish they could do something when you could choose to be proactive winning woman and actually turn your ideas into actions. Be proactive!

Often the thoughts, assumptions and judgements of others can affect the decision making processes of nice girls. To find yourself on the road to achieving what you want as a winning woman you need to cast the judgements of others aside. What value does the opinion of someone else have to your life anyway? Very little! Don’t read into judgemental people too much, they are really not worth your time and will only stunt your path to greatest.

Choosing to treat yourself well is a great first step from losing your ‘nice girl’ tag and becoming a winning woman.

·         Nice girls put their needs last and winning women factor their needs in with those of others.

·         Nice girls rarely ask for what’s important to them and winning women clarify their needs without equivocation.

·         Nice girls tolerate inappropriate behaviour and winning women confront those who treat them disrespectfully.

·         Nice girls are reluctant to communicate in assertive ways and winning women deliver concise and direct messages.

·         Nice girls fail to leverage relationships and winning women understand and capitalise on the relationships in their lives.

·         Nice girls have an inordinate fear of offending others and winning women do everything possible to maintain healthy, mutually beneficial relationships with appropriate boundaries.

Don’t let your own behaviours hold you back from living the life you want! Evaluate the past and envision the future. Understand what is or what is not working for you now. Identify what you need to change so that you can win the respect you deserve.

BB’s Golden Rules for Getting What You Want:

Be clear about what you want.

Don’t let early experience or expectations define you.

Take it one day at a time.

Recognise that not all relationships are created equal.

Hate the sin but not the sinner.

Be fully present in each moment.

Go outside your relationship comfort zone.

Give more than you get.

Be gracious.

If three people say you’re drunk, lie down.

Trust your gut.

Walk away when it’s time.

Know your boundaries.

Rock the boat without capsizing it.

Use facts, not feelings.

Avoid perfectionism.

Develop the art of small talk.

Don’t skimp on friendship.

Identify your non-negotiables.

Learn to accept compliments.

Be proactive, not passive.

Don’t have ‘mistake amnesia’.

Create your legacy.

~BB~

Another day, another dollar, another dude.

After winding up tangled in the sheets of yet another man in a part of town one would rarely choose to visit, I couldn’t help but think to myself, are conventional relationships becoming extinct?

This was not the first time I had found myself in a rather uncouth position, in fact it was the second time in not enough weeks I had taken a detour from my regular evening activities and wound up on the doorstep of a complete stranger.

(“You what?!” you say. Now before you shake your fist and knit your brow with concern, this is another one of those ‘it happened to a friend of a friend of mine’ stories. Or maybe it’s not. Okay, it’s one of those choose your own adventure tales. You decide!)

Where was I… ah yes…

The possibility I was about to meet with an axe murderer, child abductor or by far worse, a Collingwood supporter lingered in the back of my mind. In fact, I had bargained with eligible bachelor number one, where I would only agree to pay him a visit if he promised not to feed me to his dogs or put me out with the recycling, to which he responded “I don’t have a dog and I don’t recycle.” Touche.

Bachelor number one, or let’s just call him Outback Jack (since he has a massive Southern Cross tattooed of his arm surrounding his family name – how original) was a bit of a looker and quite sure of himself. Five and a half feet of pure jock and easy on the eye. Based on first impressions, Jack was most certainly worth the drive to the other side of town. Three years my senior with a warm personality, he didn’t come across as being the player I had anticipated.

I had arrived at Jack’s pad with an open mind and a bruised heart and had convinced myself I was there for purely educational purposes. In my mind I was there to test my presumptions that this guy who had invited me over for a ‘beer’ had a hidden agenda. After all I do enjoy a good old-fashioned game of ‘Pick the Player’.

So there I was, sprawled out on the sofa with a guy I knew less about than German politics. It was only a matter of time before stilted conversation about the grotesque nature of late night music videos took a turn and I was invited into his humble abode to ‘watch a movie’. Now, any girl or guy who didn’t come down in the last shower will know this is code for let’s make out and see where the night takes us.

After wading through a sea of dirty laundry and take-out food wrappers we settled under the covers for a late night screening of – get this – “No Strings Attached”. The title of the film, where a guy and a girl agree to form a non-relationship based purely on sex, should have said it all. I should have heard alarm bells right as soon as I touched down at the bachelor pad. Hell, I shouldn’t have even been there in the first place!

Jack and I made small talk throughout the course of the film. “Have you ever had a special friend like her Jack?” I asked, to which he responded “Nah, I’d get too jealous.” Good answer Jack, good answer.

The movie came to a close as the credits rolled and instinctively our bodies gravitated towards one another ever so slightly, as if an invisible magnetic field was pulling us together. After a brief moment his lips met with mine (reaching for the sick bucket yet?). Hypnotised by his tender kiss, I was hopelessly, well hopeless.

May I point out here that there may be a lot things in the world I do have – curiosity, ambition, drive – but I do not consider willpower to be one of them! Or at least, not one of my strengths. To dangle a charming, tattooed, brunette boy in front of me (did I mention he drives a ute?) is to hand me a tantalising piece of forbidden fruit. We all have weaknesses, mine being brunette boys and Cherry Ripes (together of separate), something that makes us lose all inhibition and give in to our desires.

Now Jack, the clever fiend he was, got his money’s worth and some. He didn’t even need to pay the standard tariff of dinner and drinks before the bed and breakfast situation emerged. What a gentleman.

Anyway, the point to be made here is that similar trends of ‘overnight relationships’ have been emerging in the land of Long Lost Lovers for many years but it is only now we are steadily becoming more content with this arrangement. You hear stories from friends and friends or friends who swear by their mini-relationship lifestyles and wouldn’t choose to have it any other way. It should be noted here that over-night relationships can quickly become life-time legacies when nine months down the track a souvenir tiny bundle of joy comes onto the scene. No glove, no love kids.

As far as history goes, relationships that begin with sex are built on sex and will most likely remain just that until they run their course. Despite Outback Jack assuring me he would call and asking if he could take me on a ‘proper date’, the two of us both knew we weren’t likely to cross paths ever again (and just as well the poor dear had the most appalling literacy skills and would end up driving me bonkers, ‘ay bro’). Sometimes letting things go before they have a chance to really begin is the best thing to do for both parties.

Growing up and the young adult years should involve the most fruitful and fun-filled times of your lives. Sex, drugs and rock n roll baby (minus the drugs)!

~BB~